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Ted Neeley Beard
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Alma Fair

One fine day, Caswell King was taking a little break from a jam, and David Merks started playing a simple little bass line. Jesse kept trying to follow him in C but it didn't sound right at all. Apparently Dave was horribly out of tune, but that's how this number ended up in such a weird key as C#. Jesse put the music to it. The first section of lyrics are mostly Dave's and the Beck-esque white-boy rap section was added in later on by Pete.

Alma Fair   
(P. Gorman, J. Griffith, D. Merks)

Just the other day
down at the Alma fair,
I saw a nickel pumpkin
riding a turban named Ted.

Smoking their cigars
and filin' their returns.
They went straight to the bar
and drank in their cars.

As they smoked up their barn
"by high" they cried!
A cop came by
and shared a smile.

But the smirking squirrel saw
the hopping cop,
and testified to the law
Ignoring bribes from the top.

Just the other day
down at the Alma fair,
I saw a nickel pumpkin
riding a turban named Ted.

Yo, here at the fair there's lots not for you
Some games not to play and things not to do
We got a trapeze artist with a monkey on his back
Check out the guy spittin flames that just downed a six-pack
Two clowns in a Firefly, one by one
While the cannonball man, he just jumped the gun
They're all walkin the line three feet off the ground
While the shorties crawl under to the stereo sound
Then there's the two-legged woman and the bearded man
I've got an eight-track player and a futon in my van
So open the door and hop in the back
Listen to the fuzz: don't stop on the train tracks
Come on round, and check out the fair



Copyright 2002 Beardsongs Inc.